


Coughing Up Daisies

by darlingDesires



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Emetophobia, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:40:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29935614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darlingDesires/pseuds/darlingDesires
Summary: It was easy to ignore when he felt like he could control it. Before he coughed, he felt a slight itch in his lungs, so he’d dip from the room and step into the hallway to cough. So long as he did that, he could keep it quiet. So long as he hid, nobody had to find out about the waxy feelings he choked down. It wasn’t until things began to churn and spiral out of control that it became harder and harder to keep his secret.———Benrey has Hanahaki Disease, and can't stop coughing up little orange flowers...
Relationships: Benrey & Tommy Coolatta, Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 5
Kudos: 76





	Coughing Up Daisies

It was easy to ignore when he felt like he could control it. Before he coughed, he felt a slight itch in his lungs, so he’d dip from the room and step into the hallway to cough. So long as he did that, he could keep it quiet. So long as he hid, nobody had to find out about the waxy feelings he choked down. It wasn’t until things began to churn and spiral out of control that it became harder and harder to keep his secret. 

The first time they found out was in his sleep. He didn’t notice he’d been doing it until a gentle hand jostled him awake. It was Tommy, asking if he was alright. Benrey had been coughing through the night, and Tommy was a light enough sleeper that it didn’t take long for him to become worried. Benrey told him everything was alright, and after Tommy fell asleep again, he stayed up, drumming his fingers against his helmet to soothe himself.

The second time was later that day, once everyone had woken up and they’d begun their trek to the Lambda Labs. Benrey’s hands began to shake long before he noticed the itching in his lungs, and no amount of steady breathing managed to make him feel better. He clenched his jaw and swallowed hard, but it only seemed to make things worse.

Benrey looked up at a pair of expectant eyes. A bead of sweat dripped down the back of his neck. Gordon was annoyed. “Huh?”

“You know what--never mind,” Gordon sighed, pinching the skin at the bridge of his nose. Benrey took a reflexive step away, but he didn’t have time enough to leave the room before it hit. A raspy cough racked his body, over and over, and it wouldn’t stop. He wrapped his arms around his ribcage, doubling over as something dislodged itself from his throat. “Holy shit! Are you good?”

Benrey gave a thumbs up as the coughing slowly resided, opening his eyes towards the concrete. He seemed to be the only one that noticed the three flower petals delicately strewn across the ground, each of them fresh and pure.

He slowly righted himself and wiped his hand against the corner of his mouth, feeling relieved. The feeling wouldn’t last though, as Benrey’s lungs would quickly start to itch once again.

His pace began to slow subconsciously as he trailed further and further behind the group, movements sluggish and unfocused. When he looked up, everyone was gone--everyone except Tommy.

“Hey, uh--” Tommy began. He raised his hand towards Benrey and there it hovered, hesitating to fill the space between the two. He took a slow breath and his hand dropped back to his side, feeling the fabric of his lab coat between his fingertips. “Are you.. okay?”

Benrey opened his mouth but instead of words, a single orange petal came coughing up, landing at Tommy’s feet. He reached down, slowly, taking it between his fingers and turning it around. His voice was quiet, sympathetic. “Oh, Benrey…”

“Wha?” Benrey asked, meeting Tommy’s gaze.

“Who is it?” Tommy bit the inside of his cheek, eyes searching Benrey’s for anything that could give it away.

“‘S nobody, okay?” Benrey mumbled, huffing gently. He didn’t mean to act agitated, but that’s how it came out, and when he saw the look in Tommy’s eyes he mumbled a quiet apology. He didn’t want to think about it, he just wanted to keep moving.

But the itching sensation began to build up again. He held his breath, squeezing his lungs tighter in his chest.

“It’s-- it’s okay, just--” Tommy took a step forward, raising his arm again, resting it on Benrey’s shoulder. “I wanna help. What’s going on?”

“I’m fine,” Benrey insisted.

“How long has this been… happening?” Tommy asked.

“I dunno,” Benrey managed, voice rasping. He cleared his throat, letting his chin rest on Tommy’s shoulder. “Just sort of happened.”

“Days?”

“...Week.”

“ _ Weeks _ ?” Tommy echoed, swallowing a lump in his throat.

“A week.”

“Oh, Benrey…”

“‘S not my fault, since… lameass Gordon showed up without a passport—” Benrey’s voice hollowed as he spoke. His mouth felt dry. He didn’t want to think about this.

“...Mr. Freeman?” Tommy asked. Benrey began to pull away, and Tommy retracted his hand. “Is—Gordon? Benrey..?”

Benrey let his head fall into his hands, hitting his helmet gently with his palms. Tommy moved forward to catch him, but stopped short as Benrey sang out too many pink bubbles of Sweet Voice, dulled and blackened. A few carried petals, and Tommy watched with a sinking feeling in his stomach.

“You have to-- You have to tell him,” Tommy stammered, thumbing at the sleeve of his lab coat. He bit the inside of his cheek, watching Benrey’s shoulders sink down.

“No,” Benrey insisted. “I’ll have a doc on the surface check me out when we get there.”

“The surgery isn’t an option,” Tommy apologized, grimacing as Benrey coughed again. “You can’t-- who knows how long we’ll be here? I don’t think… we have time.”

“We gotta keep going,” Benrey looked away, feeling his lungs swell and ache. “‘S fine, I’m a pro at this, it took you this long to find out right?”

“You have to tell him…” Tommy whispered, “please. I-- I don’t want to lose you.”

“I’m fi--” His shoulder hit the wall next to him as he folded over, coughing, hacking relentlessly. Up came the petals, caught on his tongue and leaving a bitter taste in his mouth as he wheezed, spitting them out over and over again.

Tommy dropped to his knees, placing both of his hands firmly on Benrey’s shoulders, unable to speak as he watched the petals tumble from his friend’s lips. He sucked in a harsh breath as Benrey coughed a final time, loud and dry, and up came a full flower—stem, leaves, and all. Benrey’s hands shook as he plucked it from between his teeth, gagging slightly on the stem before he unwillingly dropped it to the ground. His vision was unsteady. Tommy drew him in for a hug, and Benrey didn’t move, limp against his shoulder. He stared at the floor behind them, where the single petal from earlier had dropped. He wanted this to be over. He didn’t want to feel like this.

By the time the two had caught back up to the group, it became impossible to hide. The itch and ache in his lungs was a near constant--Benrey no longer had the luxury of knowing when the next fit of coughing would strike next.

And when it did, he gripped the petals in his fist, desperately hoping nobody would notice.

Of course they did.

“Oh, dear…” Dr. Coomer said, looking at Benrey in concern.

“What is that?” Gordon asked. “Flowers?”

“No,” Benrey lied, subtly hiding his fist behind his back.

“Is that normal?” Gordon asked, searching Benrey’s face for answers.

“Yeah,” Benrey lied again, “happens all the time. Like molting.”

“It’s clearly Hanahaki, you idiot,” Bubby replied, glaring at Benrey.

“Hanahaki Disease is a disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. It ends when the beloved returns their feelings, or when the victim dies. It can be cured through surgical removal, but when the infection is removed, the victim's romantic feelings for their love also disappear,” Dr. Coomer supplied.

“Thanks, guys,” Benrey sulked, crossing his arms.

“Well? Who is it?” Gordon asked.

“You don’t know him.... He goes to a different school.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Bubby glared at Benrey, who just shrugged his shoulders. “Dodging the question isn’t helping.”

“He lives in Canada and you can’t meet him.”

“It’s obvious that it’s Gordon,” Dr. Coomer chimed in. Everyone’s heads snapped towards him, and he smiled. “I call it like I see it!”

“Wh--” Gordon began, looking between Benrey and Dr. Coomer. “Is that-- is it me?”

“No,” Benrey lied again. He wanted to elaborate, but was caught off guard by the sudden onset of coughing. He could feel the individual petals dislodging from his lungs as his body was racked with coughing, tumbling out of his mouth along with a few fully formed flowers. Benrey held in the last few coughs, urging himself not to cry as pain overtook his chest.

The room was silent. Gordon was silent. Benrey looked up to him, hoping he wouldn’t say anything, hoping this could all smooth over and he didn’t have to think about it.

Gordon took a step forward. Then another, making his way over to Benrey, who tried to stand tall as though nothing happened. They made eye contact, and Gordon took a deep breath before he spoke.

“Benrey, I li—”

Benrey keeled over, dropping to his knees as a harsh cough relentlessly battered at his lungs. His eyes shut tight. He coughed, and coughed and coughed, hacking, feeling something just beneath the surface clawing its way out, ripping at his lungs, ripping at his throat and making his heart sink.

His eyes welled with tears. It was more than just flowers this time--leaves came up, thorns cut the inside of his cheek, blood began to drip from his mouth as he struggled to say anything. All that came out was hurt, that’s all it ever was, tearing up his lungs from the inside out, clawing, scraping, digging for freedom. He was shaking, his breathing was ragged, he could feel the flowers pushing at the inside of his lungs, desperate to escape. He didn’t want to feel like this, he couldn’t stop coughing, his vision blackened at the edges, he couldn’t breathe.

“I lo- o-”

“I know.” Gordon pulled Benrey to his chest, holding him tight. He didn’t need to say anything more.

His ears were ringing when he came to. Benrey spit out the last few petals that were stuck beneath his tongue, grimacing at the bitter taste. It took him a moment before he realized the itching sensation had faded away completely--his lungs felt clear, and he took a deep breath in for the first time in a long time.

Benrey looked over and saw Gordon, watching him with a careful smile. Benrey smiled back.


End file.
